so, here goes. . . and thanks beth for giving me something to think about. . .
my baby is approaching her toddler days. it should not be a surprise to me how fast she has swept thru her babydom. after all, i have been with her thru every moment of it. and yet i still feel hoodwinked by time.
that being said, she is right now in the biggest exploratory phase of her young life. it's a joy to watch her crawl across the room to get to the thing she wants. she can really cruise now and sometimes when i watch her i wince thinking it must hurt her knees to move that quickly, but she does it with a smile on her face. it seems like everyday she finds something new to check out. her latest fascination is with cabinets and drawers. she will look for any unlocked ones she can find in hopes of opening one up and emptying it's contents. sometimes to study, sometimes to just put everything back in an endless game of put things in/take things out.
right now, she's an omnimaniac. she loves everything. everything is new and exciting and to be considered heavily. of course everything goes in the mouth. i look at her and i think about what she will become. will she always be so into everything or will she specialize at some point? i think about myself and how i never specialized in anything. i think i have always been too scared to commit. what if i was no good. no risk = no fail. so, i spend my time delving into many things. many things i have loved. . . theatre, drawing, baking, cooking, and now attempting sewing and knitting. none of these am i really GREAT at, i don't think. there is nothing i do that people would say, "oh, you need that? well, you gotta get kate, she's the best!" about.
and i wish for my daughter that she explore everything. and then, maybe settle down and specialize in something. anything that makes her heart sing. and really give herself to it knowing that she can do. really do it. and it will be great.
i think sometimes about the movie Moulin Rouge. . . I life lived in fear is a life half lived. and it's startling to think this might be me.