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Friday, May 15, 2009

 

pulled in 2 directions.

this mama wants to know how you do it. do you have children? how on earth to you manage to serve each of them well?

i have 2. boy :: 4.5 yrs. girl :: 20 mos. me :: feeling unfit.

lately i don't feel like i'm getting it done with the kids. i can't seem to meet both their needs. i used to enjoy my time with my son when we could bake, do art projects, sit and quietly read a book, paint...whatever. but now, i feel like i can't do a thing with him. and i think we both miss it. i cannot engage in anything with him because the young one needs my attention. and so he never gets me. except on weekends when she is napping. i feel torn about this. on one hand i feel that that is just part of growing up in a family. and i also feel like it's unfair. or too hard for him to have to be so self-sufficient and "grown up" so young. and i miss our time together.

the girl is willful. impatient. walking away when she doesn't like what i say. getting frustrated. she's what we call high-maintanence. and she acts in ways he never did. she'll scream NO NO NO. she'll hit the floor. and i can't help but feel i've failed her. i've never dealt with this kind of melt-down and lack of easy goingness. not to say the boy was perfect. far from it, but he was not the melt-down type. she's more volatile.

and so i feel that if i'm serving one, the other is left to her/his own devices. i can't win. i'm frustrated.

advice? encouragement? i'm all over it....

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5 Comments:

Blogger Coleen's Recipes said...

This is a REAL tough one. Each child's personality is totally different. Your biggest battle, besides frustration, will be to make each child equally loved.I assume you've tried time outs for the littlest one? Next time you take her in to the doctors, ask what you should be looking out for as far as "over the top" behavior.My grandson seemed like he was very normal until 18 months. Now at 3, he's been diagnosed with autism, which comes in many many forms (bad behavior being one of them). Above all...don't blame yourself. Love them equally...what more can you do?

May 15, 2009 at 10:36 PM  
Blogger Shannon Bieger said...

I have three girls. 5 1/2, 3 1/2 and 16 months. And it wasn't until just this year that I realized I was trying to fit them into my parenting style instead of adjusting my parenting style to serve them.

My best piece of advice is to get in her head. Don't compare her to your son because his equation to peace and happiness will be completely different than her equation to peace and happiness. Its not because he's a boy (there are volatile boys too). Its because one of his strengths is managing his emotions and she has yet to learn that (that takes a loooooong time with some kids.) No doubt, you will discover strengths that she has that he doesn't as well. The secret is finding ways to make strengths and weaknesses work in their favor so they're a blessing to the world instead of a curse to themselves.

First you have to figure her out on her level. Then you have to figure how she needs to be managed. My oldest daughter needs to be nurtured like a baby but respected like an adult. My middle daughter needs to be dealt with through humor. The 16-month old, well she's still young so it could change but these days, the key to her happiness is prevention. Figure out her patterns and have what she needs ready before she even needs it.

It gets easier. You're smack in the middle of what *I* believe is the most difficult age in the young years. 15-20 months. That's when they're old enough to know what they want but not quite able to express it. So frustrations are high and patience is low. It'll pass. Hang in there!

May 16, 2009 at 7:04 PM  
Blogger kate said...

shannon,

i don't know how to contact you to say thank you, so on the off chance you come back this way.....thanks! i appreciate the words and that you took the time to write them. it was truly helpful!

May 17, 2009 at 1:04 PM  
Anonymous beth - total mom haircut said...

I have very little advice but will only say I know exactly how you feel. I kind of feel like I can't win - I can't keep both happy, and so there's a constant choice between who I give my attention to. It just kind of sucks sometimes...

May 22, 2009 at 3:54 PM  
Blogger sari said...

I had the worst time going from my one child to two. And they had a 3-1/2 year age difference, it was just SO much at the time.

It does get better. I know you feel pulled. I had almost gotten it down and then we had the third, ha ha, but every day (every hour!) I just keep at it. I think I might be getting it.

Hope you're doing well today!

June 3, 2009 at 11:05 AM  

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