pulled in 2 directions.
i have 2. boy :: 4.5 yrs. girl :: 20 mos. me :: feeling unfit.
lately i don't feel like i'm getting it done with the kids. i can't seem to meet both their needs. i used to enjoy my time with my son when we could bake, do art projects, sit and quietly read a book, paint...whatever. but now, i feel like i can't do a thing with him. and i think we both miss it. i cannot engage in anything with him because the young one needs my attention. and so he never gets me. except on weekends when she is napping. i feel torn about this. on one hand i feel that that is just part of growing up in a family. and i also feel like it's unfair. or too hard for him to have to be so self-sufficient and "grown up" so young. and i miss our time together.
the girl is willful. impatient. walking away when she doesn't like what i say. getting frustrated. she's what we call high-maintanence. and she acts in ways he never did. she'll scream NO NO NO. she'll hit the floor. and i can't help but feel i've failed her. i've never dealt with this kind of melt-down and lack of easy goingness. not to say the boy was perfect. far from it, but he was not the melt-down type. she's more volatile.
and so i feel that if i'm serving one, the other is left to her/his own devices. i can't win. i'm frustrated.
advice? encouragement? i'm all over it....
Labels: blowing it